Domestic Violence Support

What Is Domestic Violence?

Also known as family violence or intimate partner abuse, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used by a person to gain or maintain power and control over a partner or family member. Domestic violence looks and feels different in every relationship, but it's not just bickering or an isolated bad moment. Domestic violence is a pattern, often escalating in severity over time.

Domestic violence can look like:

• Physical abuse: hitting, choking, restraining, or other physical harm
• Emotional abuse: insults, humiliation, isolation from friends and family, threats
• Financial abuse: controlling access to money, employment, or resources
• Sexual abuse: pressuring or forcing sexual activity, or coercing sexual acts you're not comfortable with
• Digital abuse: monitoring calls, texts, location, or social media without consent

Abuse doesn't always include physical violence. It can be quiet and hidden, and it can happen to anyone, no matter how a relationship looks from the outside.

If This Is Happening to You, It Is Not Your Fault

Survivors often blame themselves, wondering what they could have done differently or if they caused the abuse. However, responsibility always belongs to the person causing harm.

There's no one "right" way to respond to abuse. Some survivors leave right away. Some stay while they plan for their safety. Some return to a relationship before they're ready to leave for good. Whatever your path looks like, you deserve support without judgment and you deserve to be safe.

Curious about your legal options? Learn about our Legal Advocacy program.

Recognizing the Signs

Domestic violence often builds gradually and it can be hard to recognize at first. Some common signs your partner might be abusive are:

• Monitoring your phone, whereabouts, or relationships
• Preventing or discouraging you from seeing friends or family
• Criticizing, humiliating or shaming you, especially in front of others
• Telling you that you can never do anything right
• Controlling finances or preventing you from working
• Taking your money or refusing to give you money for necessary expenses
• Preventing you from making your own decisions
• Pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to, or to do things sexually you're not comfortable with
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
• Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
• Threatening you, your children, pets, or themselves
• Using jealousy or "love" to justify controlling behavior

If some of this feels familiar, you're not alone, and reaching out doesn't mean you have to make any decisions right away.

Why Leaving Isn't Simple

One of the most common and harmful questions about domestic violence is "why didn't they just leave?" In reality, leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship and survivors often remain in, or return to, abusive relationships because their partner has threatened to harm them or their loved ones. Survivors also face real barriers to leaving including financial dependence, cultural or religious pressures, housing insecurity, or simply not having somewhere safe to go. Survivors commonly decide to leave when they become convinced their life, or their children's safety, is at risk.

Support isn't about pushing someone to leave. It's about helping them build safety and options on their own timeline.

Understanding the Data

Understanding how common domestic violence really is helps our whole community respond with more compassion and less judgment.

• Women ages 18 to 34 experience the highest rates of domestic violence.
• Two-thirds of female stalking victims were stalked by current or former intimate partners.
• Children witness violence in nearly 1 in 4 (22%) domestic violence cases filed in state courts.
• Domestic violence leads to nearly 8 million lost days of paid work each year, the equivalent of over 32,000 full-time jobs.
• The presence of a gun in domestic violence situations increases the risk of homicide for women by 500%.
• More than half of women killed by gun violence are killed by family members or intimate partners.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone, though approximately 4 in 5 victims of intimate partner violence are female. Prevention and support must address the disproportionate harm experienced by women and girls, while making sure every survivor receives support.

Want to be part of the solution? Learn how you can get involved as a volunteer.

Prevention Is Possible

Domestic violence is preventable. Communities can reduce it by:

• Teaching children emotional literacy and peaceful problem solving skills
• Modeling healthy and respectful relationships
• Creating communities that take warning signs seriously
• Strengthening economic stability and access to housing
• Making it normal and safe to ask for help
• Connecting survivors to advocates and support early
• Holding perpetrators accountable for their actions